Tuesday, June 15, 2010

cruel, harsh world


i give up.
i do.
you'd think i would have learned
the first time around.
but the hands of time
just can not be stopped.

maybe i had an excuse,
way back then,
when i was a naive young mother
with a freshly hatched newborn.
first thing i did
was keep her in her newborn diapers
until they more resembled bikini bottoms
than briefs.
i also kept her in the moses basket
by my side,
until she was 9 months old.
but there is a big difference
in going from that tiny one-bedroom apartment
to what we've got now.
now my baby has got his own bedroom,
larger than the one
we all three shared back then.

so why has he stayed in his moses basket
right by my side every single night,
until his legs are cramped up?
am i the only one still swaddling
a seven-and-a-half-month old?
i'm just a mother
that doesn't want to admit the truth.
you know what truth that is.

but i'm really trying.
he spent his last full night
by my side last friday.
that lonely basket is still next to me,
yanking on my heart strings
with every glance.
while my tiny little baby
sleeps soundly
a mile away from me
across the hall
in that bed that would fit 10 of him,
with its hard wooden rails to roll into,
and that furniture
towering all around him
in a big dark room
all by his lonesome. . .

we still meet once or twice a night
when the sun wakes him at 4:30 am
and i've got to dance with him
for an hour or two
(anything but feed him)
until he's lulled back to sleep,
and we separate again--
he to his cage,
and i to my bed by the lonely basket.

it's a cruel, harsh world,
i tell you.
cruel and harsh.

5 comments:

happyfamily said...

Amen, sister!

Ann said...

What's wrong with me? I can't wait until they're out of my room.

DeAnn said...

I know how you feel...and my baby turns 3 this summer!

Lindsay Van Orden said...

i can't believe he still lets you swaddle him! beth was done with that by 1 month - she likes to have her arms out by her head. maybe he'll start sleeping through the night for you in his own room... this could be a good thing. maybe???

Amy said...

Oh I feel the exact same way. You put is so beautifully...